Thursday, February 21, 2013

Who's Talking? Just Listen!

This new computer is still giving me grief, but it has one program that is really great.  It’s called Mail Chimp and wheneever I post a new column it let’s me  write a single email to all my readers, then set a date and time for mailing it.  So here I am in California playing tennis with my three daughters, and you’re getting this column. 

It’s just a poem I probably composed thirty years ago, but vegetables don’t change much.  Enjoy.  Hopefully when I get back home I’ll be able to write a column about the fabulous gardens we saw in California.

The vegetables were arguing
Which one of them was best,
Which had the most achievements,
Which was the tastiest.

The beautiful asparagus
Spoke up the first pf all –
“I maybe past my prime, my dears,
But no one grows so tall.”

“Aw, Shucks,” the corn grinned down at her,
“I guess I shouldn’t boast,
But my old stalk can stretch beyond
The highest garden post.”

A ripe tomato shyly spoke,
“I’m fancy and high-bred,
I love the heat, it makes me sweet.”
She blushed a rosy red.

The Swiss chard leaves began to curl
And yodel at the sky.
“Our stems get cut right at the butt,
Yet still we multiply.”

“We’re very fresh and tender, too,”
 the baby onions cried.
“I think you’re fresh and impudent,”
Miss Broccoli replied.

“Such bickering!” Aunt Lettuce sniffed. 
“I think my head will split.
We’ll never figure out who’s best
Til we calm down a bit.”

The mealy-mouthed potato moaned,
“I’ve got the scabs this year. 
I’ve had no starch since early March.”
She shed a milky tear.

“Oh wipe your eyes,” an old beet said,
“At least you’re not too plump.
If I continue gaining weight
They’ll throw me on the dump.”

The cucumber let out a burp,
“My indigestion’s bad.
I guess it must have been that dose
Of garden lime I had.”

“Pipe down!” the red hot radish yelled,
“Pipe down, you silly clods!”
And each young pea laughed out with glee
And nearly split their pods.
The carrot plants got all choked up.
It really was absurd.
Their heads were buried in the dirt
So none of them were heard.

Poor Mr. Celery tried to speak,
His skin a sickly white.
His voice was just a whisper ‘cause
His collar was too tight.

Then Grandpa Cauliflower coughed
And shook his snow white head.
“I think we’ve bickered long enough,
Let’s get to work,” he said.

The vegetables all dug right in,
Their argument forgot.
And each long row began to grow
To fill the garden plot.   


  1. That was very funny and very clever. Enjoy California because it just started to smell like Spring here in CT today!

  2. Just the chuckle we needed in the deep wintry fog .... few flakes coming down.... last week you missed a spectacular Snow Moon...was a beautiful glowing peach at 5:30 AM after lighting up the western sky all night...Be warm and enjoy California.

  3. I loved your charming poem about competitive vegetables. It's a good thing that they're rooted and can't participate in physical violence - but I have seen some aggressive squashes attempt strangulation once in a while.